Rantings of a cOnFuSeD mind....

Moved On ...

2009-08-07T22:07:00.002+05:30

After much thought, I've decided to move on ... move on from blogger to Tumblr ....

Here is the link to my new virtual space ... in this vast virtuality called the Internet ... See you there !!!!

A CrAzY DaY !!!!!

2009-01-28T23:36:00.002+05:30

Yes ... that has wat it has been today ..... Totally InSaNe !!!!

As usual, when i was abt to go to bed tonight, i sat back to reflect upon the day it was ... and the first thought i get .... is quite evident by now i suppose .....

Right from getting assigned to 3 difft tasks in the first half hour of the work day, to getting screwed by bosses, tat too over an International call .... not to forget getting a task at 4:30 PM and ppl expecting it to be over by COD !!!!! .....

And just when you thought tat you had survived the day, the boss coming and changing the requirements at 8:15 PM ..... makes one realize how shamelessly entanled we all have become in these mediocre routine !!!!!

The worst part of the whole day .... still remains the overseas partners' issues which have no bloody sense of timing ( 9 PM ) and the traffice jam on the way back home ..... tops the list !!!

Only apologies to all the bosses, whose work i might not have given my complete 100 % to !!!

-- GrEySkUlL

To Know Where The Shoe Pinches .....

2009-01-01T00:06:00.003+05:30

12 AM on the 1st of January 2009 .... The sounds of neighbors yelling "Happy New Year" to their kids over the phone ... Party animals returning on bikes which scream louder than my neighbors ..... Fire Crackers bursting loudly and welcoming the New Year .... My cell phone buzzing with an Inbox full of Wishes .... All the friends on Gtalk, many of whom I've even forgotten how I know, Wishing me a Good Year Ahead ....

A Better Year Ahead ... Is what I need ..... Better than what I got in 2008 ...

As the noises drown around me, I am reminded of a saying "This Too Shall Pass ......." quietening my mind ..... quietening my thoughts ... quietening my questions ... slowly dragging me into the New Year .... giving a new surge of Hope, Strength and Faith ..... The Faith which is so remarkably Strong !!!!

As the New Year Dawns ... I hope to get more Strength .... Strength to Face The Brutes .... to have Faith in ourselves, Faith in the Supreme Soul .... and mainly the knowledge To Know Where The Shoe Pinches !!!!

Insomnia !!!

2008-11-23T23:51:00.003+05:30

Tried watching TV, Finished reading today's TOI all over agian, Read a few verses from the Bhagavad Gita, Tried listening to some soothing music .... but all to no avail !!

Sleep ... as it seems, is in no mood to come and engulf me ..... This, in turn has aroused many dormant thoughts, which were almost lost the labyrinth called my 'Conscious Mind'. Perhaps I have been unconsciously (or subconsciously (???) .. I dont know the difference yet .....) waiting for this arousal of thoughts, perhaps I am raring to start looking for answers ... again, or perhaps its just a tried mind ranting ..... I dont have an answer ..... but all I have is this .....

The cOnFuSiOn has returned !!!!

Shall soon resume the Rantings .... of a CoNfUsEd soul (or is it the mind ????) !!!!!

Revelations......

2008-01-28T16:44:00.000+05:30

Its been a long time since i blogged about my CoNfUsIoNs. The reasons for it, I am in no mood to explain.

Anyways I had been wondering about my theory of "Life" being an "Illusion" again.... I have Ranted about it over here and here. The latter being more centered around the Ego of the self.

What has kept me busy is the demarcation / the Thin Line between Destiny and Choices.

How much of our life is determined by our destiny and how much of it is self created (by the choices which we make) ????

When I remarked earlier that "Life is just an Illusion...." how right or how wrong was I about it ??? When Swji himself has told that "Man is the Maker of his Own Destiny", then how can I, a mere cOnFuSeD soul, make such a bold remark as that !!!!!

I am just happy now that I didnt take a longer time to realize my mistake :)

What I've come to realize about the Question in hand, the Question about the Destiny and Choices, is that The Choices that we make now, will lead to newer choices in future, which in turn leads to more choices, and so on. What, according to me, can be termed as Destiny is just the choices we face as a result of the choices previously chosen. Thinking about it, the choices in life we face now, are the direct (or indirect) resultant of the choices we would've done earlier in life, or maybe in the past lives. (Considering the fact that I believe in the existence of the past lives and the indestructible nature of the soul)

Further on, I have begun to believe that There exists a very thin line between the outcome of the choices and the destiny. Or maybe we just term the Outcome of the Choices we make, as Destiny (?) . This may be due to the simple fact that we lesser mortals do not understand the complexity at work behind the scenes. The complexities which create the result of an action, in our case the outcome of our choices. Sometimes, these resultants can be sprawled across births, resulting in the current situation.

While talking to a very eminent speaker, to whom I put across this Question, I realised that to understand all the intricacies involved, we need to train the mind in this direction....
So here I go.... in search of the answers ...... again !!

And... They called it a Party !!!!!

2007-12-28T23:41:00.000+05:30

Pictre This !!!!!!

One not so big hall, with a so called DJ / MC shouting for ppl to jump in the air for the crappy music they were playing on one side, and on the other side the so called "educated people" pushing and falling on each other just to get a hold of a glass of Beer. The poor helpless bartender carelessly pouring glass after glass of frothing matter and pushing it across the counter. Saw the proof of the whole "Survival Of the Fittest" theory !!!!!

No.. i wont end the story there, there is more !!!!
The small 5ft x 5ft wooden platform at the foot of the DJ's console was termed as the "Dance Floor". Well, what can u dance (even if u remotely felt like it) on such a place which had more than a 100 strong Men, each at least 2 mugs of beer into their bellies, oblivious (?) of their surroundings, shaking violently to the blaring sound from the speakers !!!!

Those poor ladies had to flee out of the testosterone pool so save a few embarrassing moments....

Anyways, the highlight of the whole event ...... I just found more abt Myself !!!!!!!

If this is what people term as a "New Year Bash", I am just thanking my stars that I did not start a whole new year with this, but learnt How Not to start one !!!!! Happy that its over now, and i can put it back with all the Memories of 2007, which I wish to forget !!!!

If at all I could do the Memory Charm on myself now........

A Ride Back Home........

2007-10-18T12:09:00.000+05:30

Never Ever did i even remotely think in my wildest dreams that a ride back home, at 8 PM on a weekday, with a light drizzle all the way would get me back onto my senses... and leave me energized all over again !!!!!

A total bounce of the DB....i must say :)

Yes, this was the break which i wanted from the now so normal 10 AM to 10 PM routine, which had emerged out of nowhere !!!!!!!

waiting for the next rain in Bluru !!!

All the Pieces.......

2007-09-28T21:47:00.000+05:30

.......... Finally DO fall into Place !!!!!!!

What more could i say :)

Story of our lives....

2007-09-10T14:47:00.001+05:30

Every one of us can atleast in some way or the other can relate to this one..... rite ??? ;)

Testing Times.........

2007-09-10T11:33:00.000+05:30

Yeah... tats wat these are.....

An age old saying in kannada goes this way.... ಮನೆ ಕಟ್ಟಿ ನೊಡು, ಮದುವೆ ಮಾಡಿ ನೊಡು .....
Even though i had heard this before, never had i given a second thought to the proverb.... until very recently !!!!!

Do i consider it my luck or unluck for being too young to realize the difficulties my parents went through while building a house, or do i consider my self lucky or unlucky to be old enough to realize the difficulties my parents are going through for my sister's wedding...... leaves me CoNfUsEd :)

A nice thought shared by my uncle which goes something like this ..... " An experience, until totally assimilated by the body, isnt a true experience, but just an event " ..... and another one where he told about the tolerance levels of the people (Shall write abt in a much more detail, some other time).... have started making some sense .... but still lays just out of reach when i try to relate the happenings, and the thought.... but somehow i know tat it might just explain the whole thing.........

I've always been taught abt the belief of Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam ...... How good it will be for everyone to live in harmony with each other.... giving each other the required space, and thus getting our own space in return......

The Questions keep coming again and again to me..... This time about Rituals, and the ultimate Goal ..... This time, both are so intricately related to each other, that it leave me feeling pity for everyone involved .... When do we realize that Nothing Else Matters other than the happiness of the long lasting relationship ?????

Got lots to tell, but i shall restrain from it...... Hope that everything turns out roses at the end :)

सर्वँ श्री कृष्णरपनमस्टु

Karma ????

2007-09-09T01:02:00.000+05:30

How many of us actually believe in the whole concept of Karma ???? Has it just been reduced to a simple phrase to pass off the unexpected/unwanted doings of a person, or is there any more deeper meaning to the whole concept ???

C'on.... the ancient saints and thinkers of India, wouldn't have come up with the concept just for the heck of it right ??? Moreover, when Swji said that "Man is the maker of his Own Destiny", was he in a way referring to this concept ???

Well, i've come to believe in this philosophy to a great extent now..... atleast after what i witnessed today......

A question on my mind, which troubled me for quite some sleepless nights.....Why are some people more richer (Both materialistically, and intellectually) , while some lesser ???? Why are there so many Good people around, equal (if not more) number of so called not-so-good ones ??? Why is there this inherent difference, we find (atleast according to my limited knowledge) only in the Human Beings, and not in any other animal clan ???

After a fun filled evening out with some friends, the sight which brought tears in my eyes was that of an old woman, sitting outside the "Hang Out" wearing a torn sweater, the thin saree covered her fragile head against the drizzle..... her bright eyes looked expectantly at mine (while i so conveniently looked away), she sat with her arms outstretched ........ i would surely have given her a few rupees, if at all i had any low denomination notes in my wallet, all i had was 100 bucks, which i wanted to fill petrol

What have i done to deserve this good a life i have now ?? Am i so worth it ?? I sometimes do genuinely ask...... and wat sort of a life will i get after all the things i've done in this one of mine ????? I dare not know the answer..... unless i still have the opportunity to change the outcome....

Whats troubling me now, and will continue for a while i am sure, is tat i could've used my credit card to fill petrol......

hmmm......

2007-08-31T21:04:00.000+05:30

I was feeling hungry and bored too.... so thought of stopping at the Ulsoor lake for some fresh air... she started grumbling the moment we left the place....... and it was then that she snapped !!!!

wat would i do ????

bang in the middle of the road, a few feet away from a busy circle, she refused to move on.... amidst curious eyes staring at us and impatient ppl honking their horns, i tried to tame her and get her to the side of the road, where i could have a look at her and figure out wat the whole fuss was about, guilt of neglecting her all these days hit me hard.......

wat happened later is a looooong story, rather, i had to push her a looooong way to find the nearest mechanic to help me out.......

My only mistake all these days was tat i took her for granted....... I mean, when i cant take a bloddy bike for granted, how can i take a person who lives and breaths and has feelings, for granted ????????

Learnt my lesson the hard way today :)

The Dream......

2007-08-14T23:46:00.000+05:30

I once had a dream.....

a dream which seemed so perfect at that time, a dream which a small little part of me somehow thought would become possible some day..... I mean, I know I have it in me to be a part of the Indian Armed Forces ...... rite ????

6 years ago, when i had cleared the NDA exam, little did i know tat i had made a mistake... a mistake coz it still remains in my mind, keeps reminding me tat i might still have a chance..... a chance to wear proudly, the Indian tricolor on my chest......

From getting royally blasted, to being totally encouraged, i've got all sorts of comments and feedbacks, all sorts of gyaan about this dream of mine..... a Dream, which still remains ......

This Independence Day, as i sit back and think, the ghost tries to return.....peeping from within the shadows.... but this time, i am stronger... stronger to face the ghosts of the past.......and ready to embrace the present........

.....with tears in my eyes, I Dream On....... but this time, its about our country....

A new Dream.... A bigger picture..... A soon to be reality !!!!!

Proud to be an INDIAN

The Blame .....

2007-08-03T23:44:00.000+05:30

........Tyranny of the outside world ?????

........The shackles of the self-created Misery ?????

Choose yr pick !!!!

2'O Clock....

2007-08-02T01:50:00.000+05:30

yeah.. its exctly 2 AM when i start to write this......

and y am i writing ??? i really dunno !!! well, it could be as simple as " I am Bored !!! " or as complicated as trying to find a reason for the sudden feeling of loneliness/loss or watever its called when u get bak home after dropping a couple of friends (to the Airport) u've known for over 5 years.......

Time just flies rite ??? its already an year since i had to go thro the whole ordeal...... friends whom i knew for over 7-8 years, friends whom i've closely bonded for no reason (or a whole lot of reasons).....

ppl who had never ever met before in life, one fine day, decide to join the same coll and course.... marks the beginning of a great friendship..... ppl from whom i've learnt so much in life, have moved on......

Y is it that even though some ppl are not a part of our everyday life, mean so much to us ???

is it jealousy that creeps in, thinking that such good friendship will eventually break apart and those so called friends, will find a new gang of friends and their relationship will blossom, leaving the old one to wither away.....

well..... i am searching for answers.... answers which i dont think i'll ever get........

The Journey or the End ????

2007-08-01T00:04:00.000+05:30

What is more important ????

I've come to believe (after gaining a respectable knowledge of life for the past 22 years) that every journey has an end....(reaching the end is a different issue altogether) and the end marks the start of a new journey........

But thinking abt it makes me wonder..... ultimately does the end matter more or the journey (even if the journey doesnt meet the expected end.....where ever it ends.... is the end of the journey.....rite ????) This again raises a question..... are the various journeys interwoven, which makes the demarcation a much more complicated issue or are we just plain blind not to see the simplicity in the whole complicated structure ????

What i am hoping for (and trying to perceive) now is that no matter which of the two is more important, may we all get the strength and the patience to make the journey... and reach a meaningful end.....in the end.....

But... what/where is the END ????

I am left CoNfUsEd !!!!!

Kid on the Skooter.....

2007-06-28T21:26:00.000+05:30

8:15 AM... 15 yrs ago, I used to sit behind my dad, hugging his tummy, and be on my way to skool.... knowing that my sis would not let me fall off the skooter even if i fell asleep......

8:15 AM... 15 yrs later, I see a small kid, wearing a monkey cap and a blue sweater (2 sizes too big for him) over the uniform, dozing off to glory, hugging his dad's tummy, under the watchful eyes of his sister sitting behind him......

How life changes !!!!

I would give ANYTHING to go back in time...... if at all it was so easy :)

The Reminder....

2007-06-15T20:41:00.000+05:30

9:30 PM on a weekday..... boredom kicks in.... and i decide to do some long pending moderating activity on one of the Orkut Communities.

That is where I came across this beautiful video about my skool... the same skool which has given me so many good memories, so many good friends, so many good values, the same skool which has taught me how to live life, how to respect others...... the same skool which has made me what i am today...

The humble reminder couldn't have come at a better time.....
The facts so conveniently forgotten, have been well reminded.......

The time is just to prove that all it takes is pure mental strength..... and nothing else :)

Simplicity......

2007-05-29T22:02:00.000+05:30

The wait in the Office, just to look good in front of Boss's eyes........
15 Kms of extra travel, in Blore's crawling traffic.......
The honks and the snarls, the careless pedestrians' way thro the jigsaw puzzle,
The feeling that I wont be on time to meet Him,
To meet Him before he embarks on a long journey,
To meet Him to get His Blessings......The tension, The Apprehension......

!!!.....The immediate realization of the simplicity amidst the complexity......!!!

The smile !!! :)

The Smile, filled with warmth and pride which HE gave, when he came to know that the money was earned by me..... PRICELESS !!!!

These are just among some very few things in Life, which makes it worth living :)

Peace !!

Back to the Roots !!!

2007-05-28T17:12:00.000+05:30

Yes..... after trying out a number of difft fonts, templates, colors and styles, I've reverted back to the original style.....

......some things are best kept the way they originally were.......

!.!

Something to call "My Own" !!!!

2007-05-28T16:44:00.000+05:30

Yes !!!!

Finally it has happened !!!!

Wondering what ????? chk this out (the result Google God gives when u search for a quote) !!!!!!

A one liner, which I can claim, MY OWN !!!!! an absolute original !!!

"If at all I knew the source code of my life, debugging it would've been much simpler !!!!! "

an ego boost ???? i dont think so :)

From Black to White.....

2007-05-21T22:27:00.000+05:30

Why the change ?????

When almost everything else in life is changing.....Y not this too ??????

:)

P.S I am gonna keep on changing the templates and the backgrounds, until i find the perfect combo !!

Explainations......????

2007-05-20T23:12:00.000+05:30

U know U havent done any mistake.......................But U could've prevented a disaster from happenin,
U know U tried to stop it from happening..............But ppl dont know it,
U know U were not involved....................................But U knew it was happening,
U know U didnt want it to happen.......................... But who the hell listens to U ?,
U know that U are sorry for the whole ordeal...... But ppl dont listen,
U know that U are not wrong...................................But ppl have their own perceptions

Isnt this a torture in itself ???? When u know that there has been a BIG mistake.....and there is NOTHING anyone in particular can do abt it........??? The only solace is in the person forgiving the lesser mortals.... But is it that easy ??!!!

The situation is further complicated with the increase in the number of people who come to know abt the situation..... a couple of them genuinely interested to solve, but a majority, just plain curious ...!!!

The End Result ....................

...........................The change in the perception of the people..........

How do I even Explain !!!???? Do I even need to Explain ???!!! !.!

The Differences ????

2007-05-02T23:39:00.000+05:30

Out of the several Billion ppl on this earth, how is it tat NONE of us are even remotely alike ??? i mean, both physically and in the mental make up..... or are we all so blinded, tat we fail to see the striking similarities within us all????

I mean, after all, we ALL are humans, and as Swji says "Each soul is potentially divine" .....

......The thought bothering me is.......Why do we get happiness out of the failure of another person ??? Why is it that instead of trying to improve our weaknesses, we try to increase other ppl's weaknesses ??? Why is it that we tend to talk (esp bad, and rarely good) abt others behind their backs ??? why do we fail to realize that "we" who talk such stuff, are a part of the same society, the same being about whom we are talking..... After all, what is it that we gain out of the whole ordeal ????

NOTHING ... !!!!

Well, if we consider, getting a lil bit of praise from our (like minded) peers, a lil boost to our own stupid ego or even worse, if we tend to show ourselves as some sort of "Heros" before our peers, then i am sorry, we still have a Looooong way to go in life........and a lot of things to learn from it too.......

Cant we just take the person for whom he/she is ??? are we so self centered , that we expect the other person to act according to OUR wishes ??? How would we feel if someone spoke/spread rumours abt us ??? ever wondered abt that ???

Who teaches us all these things ??? i dont remember any lesson in our text books which taught us these values.... then y is it that most of us pick up the bad part so easily and fail to realize the existance of the good part ??? Does a new born baby come programmed with all these subtle values, and forgets it as it grows up, or do we never learn these things ???

I always wonder...... But all i can pray for, is this :

Dhiyo Yo Nah Prachodayat.......

Dhiyo: the intellect,understanding
Yo: May this light
Nah: our
Prachodayath: enlighten,guide,inspire

May this light enlighten/guide/inspire our intellect/understanding......

Amen !!!

The Answers......

2007-04-22T22:06:00.000+05:30

1'30 on a Monday morning, eyes burning, I decide to Rant......!!!!!!!

I read a very interesting part in Bhagawad Gita last night, Krishna says

"
Karmanyevadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachana
Ma karmaphalaheturbhuh ma te sango'svakarmani -2.47

" Your right is to work only; but never to the fruits thereof. May you not be motivated by fruits of actions; nor let your attachment be towards inaction"

An absolutely beautiful thought.....!!!!!! how many of us work day in and day out, just to quench our selfish needs, just to get recognition, just to reap the fruits of those actions ???? well, i would be lying if i didnt accept the fact, each one of us, at some point or the other, would've done some job just for pure selfish needs.... rite ??? I think i wouldnt be wrong in even goin further and tellin tat we would've done it to satisfy our EGOs ......

It was an interesting comment my friend made in my previous blog abt Ego, well, to an extent it is true watever he has expressed, but i needed a better explaination, a deeper meaning to the whole Ego Question of mine....

I happened to come across this book called "The Science of Life" by Julian Huxley, HG Wells and GP Wells.... Here is a small excerpt from the book which i liked the most, and the part where i got a LOT of answers to my questions.....

"
'Alone, in the silence of night,and the score of thoughtful occasions, we have demanded,
can this self, so vividly central to my universe, so greedily possessive of the world, ever cease to be ?! Without it surely there is no world at all. And yet this conscious self dies by night when we sleep, and we cannot trace the stages by which in its stages it crept to an awareness of its own existence. Personality (centered in the ego) maybe one of nature's methods, a convenient provisional delusion of considerable strategic value.

Wonderin about the link between the sloka and the excerpt ????

Ponder over it ...... it makes a LOT of sense.....
"I" rest my case :)

The Thin Line........

2007-03-29T21:19:00.000+05:30

"Self Confidence" & "Ego" ..........

How thin is the line separating them ???? when do u decide wat is the right time to Draw The Line ......?????
I've always been taught to be Self Confident, but rarely do i realize tat my Self Confidence is crossing its limits and slowly turning into the most horrifying (atleast to me) EGO.....!!!!
Hate this internal fight, Hate this Cluelessness,Hate this CoNfUsIoN..... Just hope tat i realize where to Draw the Line and Understand this one complexity in life......

A Matter of Life and Death....!!!!!

2007-03-18T16:47:00.001+05:30

Yes...!!!! it was Iron Maiden...!!!! Bruce Dickinson in true flesh and blood, performing live....!!!!!!

Yes...!!!! I was there when the God of Heavy Metal made a storming entry onto the stage....

I screamed when Bruce's screamed......"Scream for me Bangalore".....!!!!!

I was there when the most awaited song 666-The number of the Beast was played....

I found a new meaning to their song The Fear of the Dark ....!!!!!!

To hell with all the critics...........
This is all i gotta tell them.....

...............I WAS THERE........!!!!!!

Independence.......

2007-03-04T13:32:00.000+05:30

..........................Myth or a Reality???????

A Rupee in a MatchBox......

2007-02-24T12:34:00.000+05:30

“Please verify the design blah blah blah blah.....”

this msg kept on popping up on my screen even after i had checked the goddamn design for the millionth time.... i was pissed...!!!! decided to take a break from this stupid computer and go out for some fresh air.....

if i had a cam with me tat time, i'd have put the pic, but for now.... imagine this...

3 small kids, 1 girl and her 2 brothers (atleast tats wat i thought) sitting on the road pavement crossed legged and peering over something..... curiosity took the better of me and i had to go chk out wat they were peering over. Well, initially it was a lil difficult to see wat was in the small girl's tiny hands, but when the guy shifted his head, i saw a small matchbox sticking out of her hands. In the box i saw a few one rupee coins stacked neatly...... the girl was trying hard to remove one of them without dropping the remaining coins. I tried listenin to wat the whole conversation was abt, and i could make out bits and pieces of it

Brother : “...... saakagalla.....” (wont be enough)

Girl : “.....ond rupai.....(and wails)......” (one rupee only)

I just couldnt get bak to the world i belongd to (or was tat the same world i belonged to anyways ???)

When i was lost in my own thoughts abt the how neatly the kid was protecting her money, abt how many days (or months) she had to save to fill an entire matchbox with money.......
her brother, who was evidently elder than her, took a rupee coin and went to the corner of the road....

and as always, out of curiosity, i followed him....

he reached a small shop, followed by the other kids, and pointed at the box of chakkli to the lady in the shop.

After much miscommunication, the lady explained to the kids tat watever they wanted, it was worth more than a rupee........and she wouldnt give them until they gave more such one rupee coins.....

The smile the kids gave me after the lady filled their hands with more chakklis than they could ever hold.... was priceless....!!!!!!

wat contrasts in life..... i sit here and write abt some kids on the road, who have to think twice to get a 50 paise eatable, whereas we, dont even think abt them.....!!!!!!!

maybe tat one rupee was their pocket money for the rest of the month, or maybe tat was the money their mother had saved from her drunken husband..... or maybe...... who know????

how many such kids roam around the streets of bangalore ??? wat are “we” doin for them??? well... we all know the answers ourselves......

The Enemy Within....

2007-02-11T18:49:00.000+05:30

(The title stolen shamelessly from my cousin's blog)

Nothing can express my feelings rite now, other than the title.......

I have started to blog these days, not out of sheer boredom, but out of sheer frustration..... frustration caused by every god damn thing....!!!!! well, is it just a state of my mind, enroute to finding a worth while thing to do or is it just tat i am not worth anything ????? why does it HAVE to be this way and not MY way???? why does it feel like being sucked into a deeeeeep dark black hole, everytime i take a breath??? why do the shadows haunt me??? why does every memory be so painful??? why are there so many un-answered questions in my mind???? and why does my stupid playlist have to play "Crawling" rite now...!!!!!!!!!!???? WHY ??????

well.... even though i have so many questions, so many doubts, so many cOnFuSeD reactions to every god damn situation, life just moves on...!!!!! thats the best part abt it.... aint it???? or tats what i think.... the intoxicating feeling of life on autodrive.... without the course set by u, really scares the living hell out of me.... makes me think of so many things...!!! ah...more questions....!!!

Why the hell do i even think so much....!!!!!!!!!

as the playlist changes to "Enth E End" the lyrics make more sense, than it used to earlier in my life.......

..........all I know, time was just slipping way
and I watched it count down till the end of the day
watched it watch me and the words that I say
the echo of the clock rhythm in my veins
I know that I didn't look out below
and I watched the time go right out the window
trying to grab hold, trying not to watch
I wasted it all on the hands of the clock.......

but in the end no matter what I pretend
the journey is more important than the end or the start

.........and what it meant to me will eventually be
a memory of the time when I tried so hard.........

- Linkin Park

My belifs and faith, has been proved wrong......guess life just moves on.......
cOnFuSeD...???? then imagine my state of mind...!!!!!!

who asked u to read this till here anyway????

solace......

2007-01-29T14:42:00.000+05:30

The silence was wat i was craving for...........

One cold Bangalore evening, the feeling of loneliness in the crowd, the contemplative mood, one huge rock, a light drizzle .....and the best company of all......MY THOUGHTS....

A perfect setting for me to get on to some serious thinking.....and oh man....did i think...!!!!

Sitting there, on the Sarada Devi rock, behind the prayer hall of RK Aashram, i got the answers i was looking for.....the answers, for which i had to dig deep....

The sweet sound of the gong brought me bak to the not so sweet reality of life.......but it sure had woken up a much different ME :)

As the Vedantists say........ We are all eternally free, but temporarily bound ......my brain agrees totally..... if only my heart felt tat way......

cOnFuSeD.....????
dont be :)

extensions...!!!

2007-01-08T10:56:00.000+05:30

"The page u've requested is blocked".....

i was sick and tired of looking at the same old stupid firewall msg on my screen everytime i tried to login to blogger, i mean, what just happened to my freedom of expression?????
but thanx to firefox team, i found this superb extension called deepest sender which can post msgs to almost any blogging service :)

no wonder i love firefox...!!!!

rock on ppl...!!!!

PS. this was just a test post using tat extension....more to come very soon....!!!!

letting go....

2007-01-01T00:03:00.000+05:30

ever wondered y its so difficult for an average person (like me) to let go of things???
well, i am takin abt "inhibithions"......

i was wondering abt restrictions we put to ourselves...the restrictions which we put, just by pure assumptions and nothin else.....are they justified??? shouldn't we just let go of them???!!!!!!!

as i wonder abt them on this new year's eve.....i am left with a perfect answer.....

wat better resolution for this year than to let GO...!!!!!

A Poem.....for a change :)

2006-11-23T09:57:00.000+05:30

got this very beautiful mail....couldnt resist puttin it up :)

ah....the good ol' days

a new beggining????

2006-10-30T17:38:00.000+05:30

"there is nothing like goin bak to a place after a long time and see how u've changed"
-unknown

the coconut trees whos leaves i could touch by standing on the terrace.....are unreachable, the empty site i spent playing countless afternoons in the scorching heats....seems too far now, the garage door which used to have a chalked outline of 3 stumps permanently on it.....no longer invites me to play, "kenchi" ,the brown neighbourhood dog might still wag its tail in his grave though :)

getting bak to a "house" after a period of 10 yrs and being able to call it "home" is something i am facing for the 1st time now. the small kid in me still laughs at the times and the memories associated with the house. the neighbours whom i used to play with, the temple i used to go with my mom, the first ever shop i had been to get everyday stuff for my mom in the kitchen, the day i had lost my face in front of the shopkeeper for my stupidy.......everything is intact, all the memories, all the places.......

looking bak the 10 yrs, from a kid who left the house in the 8th std to go to a boarding school, to a guy who works in a s/w company, i have indeed come a long way. a long way indeed :)

??????

2006-10-14T10:50:00.000+05:30

yes... a BIG ? is wat is in my mind rite now...!!!!

as i sit in my office on a saturday mornin listen to some music, i wonder.....i wonder if this is wat i've always wanted.......

well, it feels weird to write this blog, coz i've just written abt the other side of the story in my previous post.....wat contrasts we get to see.......!!!!!!!

well, i agree tat being engaged in some sort of work is wat i've always wanted, but i never knew wat could be the limit i can stretch myself....being an aquarian, i guess i tend to get bored of the monotony of life very easily.....i was bored of sitting idle earlier, now i am bored of working non stop :)

wats the fun in life if i dont get to live it....???? well, as i ponder abt this, i wonder..........

i've come to realize tat change is the only thing constant in our lives....!!!! we just have to learn to cope up with the change well. coz at the end of the day, i truly believe tat we live the life we make out of the opportunities we get.....!!!!

well, this post could just be the stressbuster i need......or maybe not.....!!!! i really dunno.....
i m damn CoNfUsEd.......abt everything........again....!!!!

a 180 degree flip...!!!!

2006-10-01T22:09:00.000+05:30

yes..!!
it has finally happened....!!!
life, from a slow paced, boreing, monotonous routine has changed for the good....!! i just hope it stays on like this for a loooong time.

one fine morning when i entered the lift of sona towers, the apprehensive me was totally lost and reluctant to get out of the shell. but now, just a few weeks later, its all changed....and changed for the good i must say...!!!
life is a journey and we get a lot of things to learn abt.....each and every day....!!! this has never been more evident to me than the past few weeks.....

so many kind of ppl, so many kinds of minds, so many kinds of technologies, so many mistakes, so many lines of code, so many mugs of coffee, so many classes, so many segmentation faults...!!!!
everything has a thing to teach, if we look out for it ;)

well, to end it all.....a passing thought...

if at all we knew the source code of our lives, debugging it would've been a much simpler task ...!!!!

just hope we dont get segmentation faults on the way :p

Life at its simplest best.......

2006-08-27T20:58:00.000+05:30

wat can be better than a few days without us botherin abt anything??? a few quiet days all by yrself, and tat too for a person like me who loves his space arnd..!!!! and tat contemplative mood to enhance the thinkin process,
a few days to spend with the ppl who care for u unconditionally??? a few days to listen to yr grandpa's story of his childhood??? an absolute new learnin experience with every step u take, an opportunity to view another side of yrself, most of all, an opportunity to prove yrself, to see the real U........and the feelin of being sucked into oblivion, at times, it can be good too.....!!!!

a sneak preview into the facts now so conveniently forgotten, a feeling of pride mixed with the bad feeling of neglecting stuff, the realization tat ignorance is not always a bliss prompting me to look out for knowledge.....lifes good....!!!!!

to get a feelin of goin tat one step further into realizing the true self, a self which has a lifestyle of its own, a mind and a thinkin totally independent of yr thoughts.......a lil confused, a lil freaky, a lil empathy towards yr own self, a total emotional roller-coaster ride...!!!!

yes......this is life at its simplest best.....getting the fundamentals rite could be a thrilling and a totally cOnFuSiNg eXperience :)

Independence....?????

2006-08-14T23:08:00.000+05:30

wat does it really mean??? why do we crave for tat??? are we really gettin it??? and if we are, are we doin our part to maintain it???? but mainly, do we deserve it??

all these questions popped up in my mind when i was watchin a documentry on Gandhiji. He truly is becomin an inspiration for me these days... like the millions of others, i too used to hate his principles and his actions. i too did critisize them and did end up arguin with some of my friends abt his methodologies and their effectiveness.

I am so happy tat i was wrong then. if not for his non violence, we wouldn't have got our independence so soon......

i was overwhelmed by the sheer power this small, puny old guy with a staff in hand, hardly any clothes on, had over the masses. more abt Gandhi when i get the mood to write abt him, although it'll be like admiring the depth of the ocean by lookin at the surface.

a few quotes i'd like to share....

"jesus showed us the way of love, and Gandhi taught us the way to do it" - Martin Luther King

"an eye for an eye will only leave the whole world blind" - M K Gandhi

He had once said tat he'll consider himself a true Mahatma if in a circumstance where he were to be assassinated, he'd accept the bullets happily and die with the name of God on his lips...we all know how he was killed, he was indeed a ture MAHATMA...!!!

anyways....i wanted to blog abt us being "independent", or the illusion tat we are.
does the feelin of independence restrict itself only to the political power of the country or does it have a lil more depth to it??? doesnt it have anything to do with wat we have to deal with ourselves????
does being independent have any relevence to our lives not being controlled by our emotions and instead, we controllin them???
does growin up as an independent person imbibe in us a sense of responsibility or does it just reduce the compassion and love we have towards the fellow ppl????? does a sense of independence (in watever way) unconsciously make our ego grow out of proportions????

so many questions, so little knowledge to answer them.....
me wonders if i can ever get an answer to some of my rantings....
a part of me quietly stays away from this and tells me to cut the crap and get a life, a part of me tells me to go on and look out for an answer, and a small part of me laughs away to glory....coz i am sure it know all the answers and wants me to find them out myself......

cOnFuSiNg....??? I dont think so....!!!!!!

Missing the obvious????

2006-07-29T01:38:00.000+05:30

Holmes and Watson are on a camping holiday. One starlit night, they are lying in their sleeping backs-seperate ones of course, nothing unusual about Holmes and Watson-when Holmes speaks.

"Watson, tell me. When you observe the heavens on a night such as this, what do you deduce?"

Watson, keen to impress his brainy chum, ponders.

"Well, Holmes", he begins, firstly, I observe the vastness of the heavens, and I realise that we are but a microscopic speck in the infinite cosmos. Then, that out there among the countless stars, planets and galaxies, there might even be other life forms, maybe even someone like me. Then, that among the apparent chaos of the universe, I see nevertheless order, and that order must have come from a Being who is responsible for all creation-from the humblest microbe to the mightiest supernova. But then, I deduce that that Supreme Being created you, and me, and among all of this cosmic mahem, He knows me and loves me."

"Hmm. Not bad, Watson, not bad", muses Holmes.

A pause.

"Well, Holmes, well? What, then, do you deduce?"

"Only this, Watson. Some b*****d has stolen our tent."

well...thinkin abt it...lifes like this....!!!
when will we ever learn to think simple terms??????!!!! sometimes in our life we do come across such situations and become watsons rather than holmes.....i yearn to think simple....but will i be able to???? i wonder...

bored and jobless.......again..!!!!!

2006-07-28T23:47:00.000+05:30

hey pplz.....if at all there are any :p,

A harmless looking link in some blog of an unknown person just led me to post this stuff....well i do like abstract and philosophical stuff, but this is a lil outrageous...!!! i just answerd some dumb questions and viola!!!! i ended up gettin the answer i wanted to get......

maybe its just a question of permutation and combination of the answers ppl give....or some intellegent coding by some geek which takes the birthday info form yr orkut account (thinkin abt it....can it be even possible??? i wonder...) or watever.....i ended up gettin the answer i wanted to get....ok me blabbering now...

chk it out guys.....but who in their rite minds will be interested??? hmmm.....

You Should Be An Aquarius

What's good about you: philosophical and idealistic, you are a great thinker

What's bad about you: you require a lot of space - it's hard to get close to you

In love: you're quirky and playful, but you hate to be smothered

In friendship, you're: likely to have many acquaintances and very few good friends

Your ideal job: pilot, snow boarder, or science fiction writer

Your sense of fashion: unconventional, unique outfits that turn heads

You like to pig out on: anything with garlic or unique spices

What Sign Should You Be?

everyday is a new one....!!!!

2006-07-23T11:54:00.000+05:30

SUN RISE

Every morning in africa,when the sun rises,a deer awakens, knowing it has to outrun the fastest lion or be hunted to death...........

Every morning in africa,when the sun rises,a lion awakens, knowing that it has to outrun the slowest deer or be starved to death...........

It doesn't matter whether you are a deer or a lion ,when the sun rises better be running at your best

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE !!!
TIME IS RUNNING OUT,WAKE UP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE..................................

P.S I dint have the patience to edit this post....copy pasted from another blog just coz it makes so much of sense to me :)

for a reason.....

2006-07-18T00:50:00.000+05:30

"everything happens for a reason" screamed Limp Bizket thro my speakers this morning when i realised something. i wonder why i had not thougt abt it or why nobody had told me it was so....

i've started to believe tat everybody in this world is here for a reason. just think abt it, if not for the morning milkman, yr mom would've made u get up and go to the end of the road to get it, if not for the person who made yr mosquito coil, u would've got chikenguniya by now :p

hehehe.....ok on a more serious note, have u ever wondered wat life would have been with out the ppl whom u are surrounded with...??? one might argue tellin tat if not them, then some others would've been there....i too wondered, but my belief of life being an illusion took over my thinking and i began to wonder even more at the marvels and the intricacy of life...!!!
anyways, i began to realise tat one is destined to be the way he is, and be surounded by the same ppl who influence his behaviour and thoughts in the same manner they are doin now :D think abt it....it'll make sense.

further pondering abt this is makin the whole picture more and more clear in front of my eyes.....and i've begun to realise tat each of this person who is here for a reason, who has or will influence us in our life, has something or the other to teach us. making us a better or a worse person in the process. the converse, i guess is true too....do we even realise how many ppl we have influenced in our lives??? if it has been for the better of the person, then we must be proud of ourselves, but how true are we to ourselves abt this???
if not for tat person, who would've taught me to walk???..... if not for tat person, who would've thought me to face life as it comes???...... if not for tat person, who'd have thought me to give and take respect???....if not for tat person, who'd have taught me not to take ppl for granted???....if not for tat person, who'd have taught me not to take things at the face value???...if not for tat person, who would've made me realise i wasnt a loser???....if not for tat person who would've taught me how to care???....if not for tat person,i'd still be lying!!!!

i've blabbered crap here???? think abt it....it makes a LOT of sense...!!!!

bored and jobless....

2006-06-30T22:09:00.000+05:30

Your Personality Profile

You are funky, outdoorsy, and down to earth.
While you may not be a total hippie...
You're definitely one of the most free spirited people around.

You are very impulsive - every day is a new adventure.
However, you do put some thought behind all your actions.
Still, you do tend to shock and offend people from time to time!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

hmmm.....i wonder....

when i was in vidyashala....

2006-06-28T21:11:00.000+05:30

ok this is a total rip off from an article in our school's bi-annual magazine. i got totally nostalgic when i read this and knew tat i had to store this stuff, coz i generally misplace the magazine :p
i havent changed much of the article, eventhough this was written by a senior (1979-82) who studied there much before i was born, the experience remains the same.....

i so miss my school days.....

Like everybody's life, mine too had its eventful days when i was a school boy. in RamakrishnaVidyashala, my school.
a school with a reputation of being one of the best in the country. the discipline, the enphasis on values, on spirituality, on the rounding of one's personality, the multifarious games,physical exercises, swimming, the debates, the bonhomie, lip-smacking food and the very joy of living together with friends on a 69 acre campus tat loioked likde one large, beautifully crafted carpet of green!
those were the days when we were growin up. when the body and the mind were slowly taking shape. we had out boyish impishness, out youthful folibles.
the chanting of the prayers. in the hall tat evoked such divine piety. to th ethrob of the tabala ( played beautifully by kappe) and the mellow melody of the harmonium. some of us once in a while, drifting into a bit of a slumberback arched and the body fallinf forwards, completely out of our control.and then the sudden jolting of the conscience resulting in hte regaining of the conscious!
those night studiy sessions. done in pir drop silence! night study supervisors who walked up and down like sentinels guarding the ford! their slow, steady, deliberate walk a reminder of their omniscience in the stillness ot the night! "eeeeh, stand up, i say" !
those giggles and the winks, abt some suddenly remembered hilarity! those occasions when some of us stood up and said we were feelin a lil drowsy, just a few mins into the study hour! the splashing of the water on the face. the serious look on the faces of the studious ppl through the window. for having been disturbed bu the sound of water! all this was great fun.
a flash of the ochre in the midst of the study, a faint glimpse of the Swamiji walking along the corridor with the briskness and the purposefulness of a man in command. yhr immidiate straightening of out bent backs, the repositioning or the obooks to portray sincearity of intent and then the reverting of the slightly more relaxed posture after his exit.
sometimes a shrill screams emanating from the distance away from our class. a sure indicator of some elder's outburst against some sloffy boy's behaviour during that precious hour.
and then the diary writing. for five mins. from 8 to 8:05 pm!
we had our inner feelings. tat we couldnt really describe. we missed describe. we missed home. and perhaps our childhood mates with whome we grew up before joining boarding school. and then, we reminded ourselves tat we had to get on in life. make new friends, seek more experiences, and become better equipped to handle the world. as our teachers always told us in the class.
we had our worries. or wantin to do well in class. of winning the hockey match the next day, of writing home and wanting to tell amma tat we loved her! a life of myrad thoughts. sometimes all jumbled up, sometimes having a pattern.

i am gonna have a smile tonight when i sleep......remembering all the good times i've had in my school....getting nostalgic, feels good :)

Life Moves On....

2006-06-17T23:32:00.000+05:30

well....thats the hardcore reality of life rite??? it just moves on...!!!!

i am really out of words rite now. doesnt it feel bad when u have to let go of a person for the only reason tat he/she has his/her own life to live???? yeah i know...i am sounding crazy by tellin tat coz at the end of the day, i too would like to move on in life.....and not hang on to my past.

its just tat that wonderful college life of mine will never be back. i am contemplating on the fact tat i am lookin at rite now....somewhere close to 15 ppl atleast had become so close to me in those awesome 4 yrs of my life...when i am lookin bak now, i am hit hard on the face by the fact tat they are all gonna go difft ways....searchin for their own goals in life....and the worst part it all...i might never be able to meet a few of them, even to recollect those amazing moments we had spent together let alone have a good time again...!!!!

aaargh...!!! this is comin out of pure frustration and helplessness i am facing...!!! i know its the reality but am just not able to accept the fact....!!!!

well the saying "the value of the individual is known when the person isnt arnd" is true i guess...i am actually missing some of my friends already even though they are just a phone call away...!!!

whos goin to be the butt of my jokes???....whos gonna arrange night out parties in his house???....whos gonna hit stupid pjs and laugh at them if none of his friends laugh????....whos gonna get pissed for all stupid reasons???...whos gonna send me cute gnite msgs???? whos hair clips am i gonna flick???...whos gonna laugh at my stupid outburts of wierd dance steps???? whos gonna flirt arnd just for the heck of it??? whos gonna give me gyaan on patafying females???...whos gonna make a big fuss out of every little thing??? who.....????

man...!!! i am so gonna miss these beautiful moments in my life.....

yes ppl...!!! u guys mean a lot to me....if u are readin this post, and u can relate to any of my stupid rattlings above, then u are one of the many ppl i am gonna miss for a looooong time to come.

i do really hope tat the bond of friendship i've developed with each of my friend remains the same for the rest of our lives.....

but just as i think abt it...the hard reality hits me again, and i contemplate.....coz i know the truth...life is an illusion and no matter how much i want...i cannot control it...!!!!

life just moves on...!!!!

hmmmm......

2006-05-22T14:56:00.000+05:30

ever cursed yrself for yr own stupidity???? ever repented yr stupid act after u actually did it???

well....tats just the reason why i am blogging today...!!!

i just dunno wat made me take a break from readin Network Security and get out of the house.....!!! oh ya...i remember i wanted to eat chips...!!! :|

anyways....after makin sure my sis doesnt need anything else, i thought i'll pamper myself with a yeLneeru for the only reason tat i (claim) to be studyin a lot these days.... but as luck would have it....i didnt find my wallet when i got down from my bike at the shop. my 1st reaction...." Oh NO...!!!! NOT AGAIN....!!!!!"

yes...this isnt the first time i am losing my wallet.....had lost it the exact same way last time too...riding full speed on the bike, bumpy roads, big wallet, and a loose pocket.....why wouldnt i lose it??? i guess it just fell off from my pocket on one of the bumps :(

roamed arnd the whole section of the road arnd 3 times, but in vain :(

finally i decided tat i was the biggest loser on this planet and came home, to get my sis's great advice abt goin and lookin on the road....the same road where atleast a hundred ppl would have walked since tat time......i gave up and went to have a bath....

i guess this was the thing tat changed my luck :p

as soon as i sat down, disgusted at myself, cursing my luck, my craving for chips , everything else i could think of.....the phone rang :D trust me....i somehow knew this would be it....i woeld get my wallet back...!!!

a nice elderly gentleman was on the other side....
i had never felt so relieved in my life....!!! the moment he told tat he had my wallet and asked me to come go to his place to collect it...i was thanking my stars left and right :P

anyways....its coz of ppl like these tat life is still enjoiable....!!! if it wasnt for his nice gesture and great ethics he showed today, i'd have lost some cash, my DL, and would have got a hell lot of royal blastings at home.....

David was his name.....but i could see the jesus in him.....:)

if at all everyone could do such a small deed everyday.....wat better a place will this earth be???!!!

whoever found my 1st wallet should read this blog :p

loooong time, no blog

2006-05-11T13:02:00.002+05:30

yeah.....life has been hectic for a while now....will blog abt it when i am a lil free and get bored...
in the meanwhile, i got this nice mail....one of the best i can say, coz i seem to get connected to it instantly....read on and find out if u are goin thro the same Quarter Life Crisis :)

Being a twenty something....

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as cOnFuSeD as you.

You look at what ur studying or ur job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone! but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you are scared just to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

Its called "Quarter-life Crisis." nothing is constant......except change.
What is life without a few risks? Keep playing the game

:)

bored and jobless.....

2006-04-23T11:27:00.000+05:30

this is another one of those stupid posts.....just to keep my blog rolling :)

Your Birthdate: February 4

You have an extraordinary character - moral, responsible, and disciplined.
Your sincerely and honesty shine through in almost every situation.
Driven and focused, you rarely let your emotions get the better of you.
You're level headed and rational. People count on your to look at things objectively.

Your strength: Your unwavering loyalty and ethics

Your weakness: Your rock solid stubbornness

Your power color: Navy blue

Your power symbol: Shield

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I'm lovin it...!!!!

2006-04-19T00:51:00.000+05:30

nope...this aint a McDonalds ad....this is just my state of mind now...!!!!

life, as we think, isnt really tat bad afterall. not after we start lookin at the God even in the small things. Dunno y...but me feelin happy from deep within. recently read in The Bhagawad Gita tat anada is a state of mind in whic the person feels happy for no reason at all....a state of mind in which a person seems to enjoi with his surroundings, even goes to the extent of influencing his surroundings...!!!

i've always believed tat ones life cannot be a closed book.......i believe in sharing my thoughts and my feelings with the ppl around me, atleast tats better tat way than someone else pryin into yr personal life and blowin small things way out of proportion...!!!

anyways...hope i just continue being in this state of mine forever......hope i'll have the strength in me to take the blow life gives once in a while, i see it comin in the form of my HoD, can actually see him sittin on a yemme, sportin a huge mush, hehehe...thinkin abt it, he could've been the best person to play the Yama in those dramas which still happens in some villages.....there are ample number of competitors for the (ishtylish) roles of Rambha, Urvashi and Menaka as well in our dept in coll :p

anyways, me just feelin good abt:
the blore weather comin bak to its senses, the good comments i m gettin for my pics, the fresh smell of the soil when it rains, the nice songs on radio, the non stop msgin with my friends, my sis's sarcasm, my bike's improved performance, my dad's treats, my mom's advice, the total joblessness, my 4 hr sleepin spree in the afternoons, readin, the reunions, my new found friends, in short.....MY LIFE...!!!

is this wat all the yogis and the sanyasis work towards??? is this wat ppl should strive to achieve in their lives??? or is this just another passin phase of mine??? will i remain this way?? will i get bored of this as well??? i dont know......will just enjoi while it lasts :)

The Best Blonde Joke Ever....!!!!!

2006-04-13T20:55:00.000+05:30

chk this out ppl....!!!!

this is undoubtedly the bestesst blonde joke i've ever come across on the net... :)

keep smiling :)

who will cry when u die...????

2006-04-12T19:14:00.000+05:30

yr family, yr friends, yr neighbours (bull...!!!), yr ex GF...??? fine, at the most her new BF as well..(just to get her sympathy :p)

are those the only ppl whome u've touched in yr entire lifetime....??? are those the only ppl whome u've made a difference in yr life???? was yr life just so much....???

to me, i guess its better to be only so much than to have a huge fan followin behind u....i changed my mind lookin at the stupid reactions of the so called "fans" of Dr.Rajkumar.
but my question is.....wat did he do to have such a huge fan following...??? was it all really worth it at the end???

i totally agree tat He was a genius in his own respect, a brilliant actor and a super singer....i still feel tat no one could have sung maaNikya veeNa song in the movie kaviratHna kaaLidaasa better than him. not even the best of the best singers of any era would have come even near to his brilliant pronunsiation of the tough samskrita syllabuls in tat song, and many more.
not to forget the superb acting in his babru vaahana movie(apart from a LOT of others) ....amazing skills this guy had...!!! i've even heard tat he used to live a quite simple life....truly a great talent is no more among us :(

wat i dont like is the dumb and totally illogical reaction his fans showed after the news was out abt his demise. will blockin the roads, makin innocent ppl sufer by stoppin the buses, and burning govt vehicles get back their hero bak to them??? do they even realise tat these silly reactions they show, will just but a black mark on his image....???

i (eventhough i aint an authority, i am entitled to think so :p) personally think tat Dr.Rajkumar was the sole person to take the kannada film industry to its peak (but his sons have done a good job of levelin the ground) and to make ppl realize tat there is such a thing as a "good kannada film". his contribution in more than 200 films in only kannada makes us realize the love he had for the language (again...i aint into regionalism) and the ppl.
c'on...we have to accept the fact tat a 4th standard dropout makin it this huge in any field..!!! its not a child's play...!!!

i am sure he wouldnt have liked wat his abhimaani devaru have done today. and my eternal belif tat we are all connected to each other in the cosmos puts the slight blame on us too....we could've done something abt it, but we didnt....!!!

badukidu jhataka bandi, idu vidHi ooDisuva bandi....
translated : life is just an illusion :)

but i do hope his soul rests in peace

Bangalore is full....Get out..!!!!

2006-04-09T12:50:00.000+05:30

shouted a community on orkut :)

sooooooper, i thought, coz even i've been feelin the same for some years now. this aint one of those blogs with regional issues and stuf, i dont believe in dividin India based on the region, but i totally oppose the way in which some ppl from outside bluru who've settled here act at times....

what is the whole point in outsiders not even tryin to learn to speak in kannada??? some of these outsiders claim bluru to be their home town, but refuse to learn the local language...!!! they expect us to speak in hindi instead.....!!! gimme a break...!!!

when asked the reason, one of my ignorant northie friend said "hindi is our national language, the national language comes above the regional language". WTF does tat mean??? there is a heirarchy of languages in India??? the ppl used to speakin in the lower language must be compatible with the higher language and not vice versa???? guess bill gates is influencing the Indian mind too much :p

whenever a dilliwala speaks abt India, he certainly makes it a point to distinctly speak abt Indians and south Indians....as if there is a difference !!! whats worse is that that our northie friends referin the south Indians as madrasi !!! (hehehe....this pin headed attitude makes me wonder if they all related to George Bush Jr).

anyways, comin bak to our issue in hand, what makes bangalore, as a matter of fact, a lot of other south indian cities such an attractive place for these northies to come and settle down?? nowadays, i believe tat this IT industry is the cause. goin bak to statistics, the english speakin junta in the south outnumbered those in the north to a whooping ratio of 2:1. this made the IT sector come in search of talented ppl who have the knack of adjusting to any situations/circumstances.....a la bangaloreans....!!!! :)

bengaluru used to be a hub of cultural knowledge and teachin, quiet, peaceful, and such a charming city just 10 years bak.....now its losin all those things day by day :(

it is almost impossible to go on a 2 wheeler from rajajinagar to kormangla without being stuck in atleast 3 traffic jams enroute...!!! forget goin there in a 4 wheeler if u have to get there on the same day....

anyways, me blogging this coz i know things are gonna get worse....and i cant do anything abt it...maybe its just my love for bluru tats makin me write this crap.....

me rattling off too much.....more on this issue of crumbling infrastructure in the future posts :)

April Fool....!!! (?)

2006-04-03T00:31:00.000+05:30

wassssssap ppl...!!!

chk this out....they say its the best "APRIL FOOL" article of this year on the net...!!!

it claims to be the first ever "wireless extension chords" workin at 7.2GHz microwave frequency...!!

hhahahaaa....wonder who all fell for tat...!! :p

Cribbings of a CoNfUsED Mind......

2006-04-02T23:30:00.000+05:30

WHY ME...???

is the question i've been askin myself for a couple of days now...

this blog is slowly becomin a place to vent out my emotional self, rather than an up to date journal of my life. I wont complain, coz i cant....!!! nobody in their sane mind would listen to my rattlings...!!!

anyways....i've got to blog abt our class trip to Goa, guess it has to wait for a while now. today i've come here to search, a search which hopefully will be fruitful...

as i said earlier, i've been wonderin why certain things are happenin to me, or rather why certain things are not happening..!!!???!!!

hmmmm.....gone are the days when i used to say to myself " i am still a kid da, chill.....enjoi life, take it as it comes to u each day...!!!" , gone are the days when my mom used to tell my dad, "aiyo....bid ri parvagill,...innu chikka huduga ivanu" ..... gone .....all that innocence, that carelessness, everythings gone now..times have changed...!!!!

but why am i cribbin abt tat???

certainly not coz i am afraid to grow up...!! no..!! i just love the challenges, the responsibilities, the new ppl.....every bit of respect which i get (but i do wonder if i am worthy of it).....

then why???

to be really really honest, i do not know...!! i am clueless why i've been getting such stupid thoughts in my head these days.....???

what would u do when u see hundreds of ppl everyday, mingle and talk with them, have fun with them, but still.....feel lonely deep inside??? how can u just run away from yrself???

c'on...!! u still think i am cribbin too much abt nothing....???? get a life....never asked u to read this in the first place...!!!

Religion....

2006-03-07T21:03:00.000+05:30

my take on religion was damn vague some days back. i had read a blog abt this and had begun to think very low of religion....now just feelin happy tat i was wrong :)

what made me think, abt the negtive aspects of religion is the narrow minded viewpoint of the ppl who are doing all nonsense in the name of religious duties.
i mean, c'on...!!! dont u think this religion, caste, creed - all these are delusions we have created and these very delusions may be the source for our downfall....???

Sw Vivekananda was a religious reformer. but his view on religion was so different than what we believe religion to be now. we believe tat goin to temple on particular days, or observing fasts, or just rattling off some mantras without even knowin the true meanin of what we are chanting, as religion.

Sw Vivekananda says tat we are not to blame anybody for wht troubles us. we have to find a solution to our own problems. in my case this is just a case of search, an inner search for an answer as to what exactly is religion.... so i do not blame anybody for not teaching the exact meaning of the shlokas i so promptly tell each morning, i do not blame anybody for not guiding me in the proper direction when i am lost in my own thoughts abt such stuff, i do not blame anybody who ridicule me when i read books on these issues. I've grown over it.

i was engrossed in thought abt this issue in class 1 day. a friend of mine noticed tat and asked me what i was thinkin abt, tat is when she told me the golden words which made me realize the simplicity of the whole issue....

Religion should be a "view" of life...rather than a "way" of life

so simple....yet sooooo complicated....!!!

cool....!!!

2006-02-28T23:24:00.000+05:30

hey ppl...

just came across this test on similarminds.com

here are the results.....:)

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth		66%
Intellect		58%
Emotional Stability		58%
Aggressiveness		66%
Liveliness		66%
Dutifulness		78%
Social Assertiveness		66%
Sensitivity		46%
Paranoia		62%
Abstractness		62%
Introversion		78%
Anxiety		50%
Openmindedness		50%
Independence		82%
Perfectionism		46%
Tension		22%

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com

cant help putting up such dumb posts.......i am bored...!!!! :)

Somewhere i belong........

2006-02-26T21:07:00.000+05:30

but where????

well...tats 1 question tat has been botherin me for quite some time now. everytime i ask myself tat, i just cant seem to convincing answer....:(
for the past 2 days, i've been ponderin over the various paths i can take, both career wise and otherwise.....and i've ended up feelin lost. lost in the crowd. lost in nothingness. have a feelin of being sucked into a blackhole of my mind, which is tryin to exterminate the whole existance of me. i am back to the "lonely feelin" state of my mind, inspite of being surrounded by friends...!!!!
some souls who scoff when they see this and say "dude, u dont have anythin to worry abt.....got a pretty good aggri and a job at hand....",
i'd say...."plz take a 3:16 rite at yr face, its held up high dude....".
i am just being torn apart by an idle mind i guess....i cant help it..!!! this stupid mind of mine just comes along everywhere i go...everytime...!!!
i've always felt tat one should have a proper sight of the path he's takin....the proper vision......i've had 1 till now. but now, when i am abt to get an engg degree, i am lost.....this aint the first time i've found myself at crossroads....and i know this aint the last.
well....guess i'll just act intutively.
"Life is just an illusion"

Just an illusion.....???

2006-02-24T23:07:00.000+05:30

What is Life....????? What are the choices tat we face each and everyday in life??????

And i get an answer from within....it is all an illusion.....!!!

i've started feelin tat we have no choice in life....if we "feel" tat life is full of choices and makin decisions abt them.... we are thinkin wrong....!!!! we are predestined to "choose" one of the many options.....in short....life is an illusion...!!!

as i sit in a dim lit room, staring at the comp, listenin to creed perform with arms wide open , i begin thinkin, contemplating what all hpnd today.......

As i entered the class, she turned toward the board and started writin some crap on it....suddenly the class burst out with the usual tone "Maaaaaaaaaaaaam........." ,
well c'on....just face it... we all know how boreing engg is..!!! and how the dumb and stupid lecturers can get on to our nerves...!!!!
hmmm...even as i write this....i am getting enlightened.....hopefully i'll be able to express whatever i am thinkin rite now in proper words by the end of this blog.....

anyways...as i tried settling down in one of the last benches, the afternoon raaga of my classmates was still goin on......and i promptly joined in...:)
for some unknown/uncontrollable reason tat female(lecturer) turned towards me when i joined in the chorus..... i guess she actually saw me talk to gujju abt she givin us attendance and we gettin out of there.....well whatever the reason, i was made to stand up and asked to leave the class....
well....i had mixed reactions, the nervous me was tellin me to shut up and sit (and get tremendously bored) in the class, the adventurous me was askin me to challenge the female and try out watever was gonna be the outcome of it, but finally when i heard my classmates sayin "beda sisya.....dont go, u'll chmma get into trouble" , i guess the reblious me took over....i guess i just wanted to set an example (?) to my class ppl, tat i do have the guts to walk out of the class ( but why...????) when asked to, by some dumb female....and i just did...!!!!

and the rest, like they dont say, can be forgotten.....

well.....as the music changes to illusion by the same artist, i begin to come to a conclusion... ( really???)

was i made to take a choice today ??? or was i actually destined to go out of the class for some stupid (?) reason.....??? did we make the decision tat tat female is as boreing and dumb we 'think' she is?? or is it her destiny tat we are supposed to feel tat way abt her??? did she make a conscious choice of handling our class or was she destined to come to bug us??? was she destined to think tat her problems will go away by sendin me out ??? did tat female actually take a choice of lettin me stay in the class or chose to send me out....??? or is it tat she was destined to get pissed ( for wat we've been doin for 7 sems now) and send me out....??? i am sure tat my classmates would've started the chorus after 10 mins.....(they are destined to do it)...!!!

i guess i am rattling off too much...

Anyways, it is true that life comes up with interesting situations where it seems we have to make a choice........but in reality we are predestined to take one path.........and we take it. But then , for us, it looks like we have a choice..........even if we believe in my version that choice is an illusion, we have to make a choice, though that choice is predestined.

Seems like a paradox ?? It isn't.

Think abt it..

The sun rises to another day
My constitution keeps changing
'Til it slips away
So I lie awake and stare
My mind thinking, just wandering
Is anybody there?
Should I stay or go
Should I sleep or stay awake
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion
Sitting in my room now
Hiding thoughts
Just hoping one day I'll get out
I hear a voice call my name
Breaking trance, so silent
So I can stay the same
Should I stay or go
Should I sleep or stay awake
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion
Wait now, many things left unsaid
This life remains the same
But I change
I try to fool myself in believing
Things are going to get better
But life goes on
Should I stay or go
Should I sleep or stay awake
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion

courtesy Lyrics.com

A Hobby...!!!!!!

2006-02-22T01:28:00.000+05:30

aah....finally...!!! i have a hobby which i can be proud of...!! :)

I was silently rejoicing from the day my sis started pesterin my mom to get her a digi cam.i knew this day would come....!!! i didnt wanna be the one who always makes a secne at home askin for new things....:D i knew my mom wouldnt tell "NO" to my sis. My sis is a pro blackmailer......but paapa, my mom......by the time she realized what was happening....she had already bought a cam for my sis....:)

anyways.....as every other new thing, eventually my sis lost interest in this also....and that is when i got the total liberty to use the cam.......

heheehehehe....actually, the cunning me was also responsible for her to lose interest....i never did teach her the technicalities and various adjustements of the cam....and my sis being a technically challenged female, didnt even bother reading the manual and eventually gave up the cam......into my hands...:D ye...!!!!

anyways.....i now proudly own the olympus c-180 digital camera....!!! although its a pretty low end version of the digi cams...its ok...!!! :)

well....me totally addicted to it these days.....next time u ppl, while walkin on the road, or shopping, or driving, or even sneezing see some wierdo takin a pic......it could be ME....:) so watchout...!!! :D

It all started when i came across Raghuram's collection, i had heard abt his photography skills from my friends, but didnt know he was this good...!!! i was totally inspired when i chked out his collection and immediately knew tat this was it.....this is what i've been wanting to do for all these years...... (well, for ppl who dont know me.....i've always wanted to play BasketBall, swim, play guitar, be like TheRock, wrestle, be a pilot, what not....!!!) . hopefully i'll stick on to this for a longer time than all the things i've said earlier.....:)

i took some pics here and there for some 2 weeks and was even foolish enuf to publish them on the net (Oh Man....i'd say, this net is the bestest invention ever...!!!!). i even pestered all my friends who were (un)fortunately online at the same time as i was (for yr information....i am usually online for arnd 16 hours a day) and asked them to see those pics and gimme a good review abt them.....many were too sweet to oblige, some were blunt to the core and asked me to "get a life", some laughed, some liked, some even lied....:)

Thanx to Uma , i came across Yogesh's pics.....My God....these are really really amazing..!!!!
Me a big fan of his pics now.....should try out the Macro photos tomorrow...:)

hmmm......now tat u've taken the pains of readin till here.....chk out the entire collection of pics i've taken....any sort of comments welcome....:)

V Day with Sania....:)

2006-02-19T12:06:00.000+05:30

hmmm......wanted to blog abt this looooong bak...just didnt find time....:D

anyways....it all began when Khote called up when i was bak home from the aashram and told me abt SANIA MIRZA playin the WTA tourney in B'luru......i was interested the moment i heard abt it.....i wouldnt lose this chance for anything..!!!

anyways.....after getting teased by sis when she found out the real reason y i was so interested in tennis all of a sudden...and the numerous phone calls to my friends tellin them abt the match....we (some friends and me) finally made it to the KSLTA tennis court on 14th Feb at arnd 4 PM

My God...!!! never knew b'luru had such wonderful tennis courts....later i came to know tat each of the 4 courts were renovated just a couple of months bak at the cost of Rs 3 lacs each......a pretty good job though....

lemme cut the crap......

we found the best seats rite in the first row......and waited patiently for the Indians to play....
first came Ankita Bangre....a 16 yr old girl who is the current Indian No.1 rank for under 19 players.....played a real professional game, damn neat serves and god ground shots....she lost to some white female though.....

Being a final yr student helps a lot......we found some junis there in the crowd.....they were kind enuf to get us our free coke and pizza rite to us where we were sittin......if not for them...we had to wait for and half an hour in the looooong queue...thanx guys...:)

finally...!!! lookin cuter than ever....waving at the roaring crowd, she came.....the feeling was like "WOW man.....tats Sania...!!!!" :D

anyways......with her in front of me....just some 15 feet away, how could I be interested in tennis anymore???? how..???!!!
i got straight at it....got my cam out of the pouch and started shooting right and left.....just as she smashed her opponent (some Muller female).....my God...what a sight...!!!
Sandy with his poster which shouted "BE MY DATE TONITE, LUV U SANIA"....had lost total control of himself....the junis were no less....1 of their posters shouted "I luv u Sania"
some mallu kuttys who were sittin behind us were totally pissing us off....but their comments were funny though....some guy kept on tellin the juni "Maneli HeLbittu Bandiddya???" teasing at his poster...

here are some more pics of her....

We were all disappointed when she won the match in straight sets....:(

we just had lost the opportunity to see her play for 1 more set...:p

hehehehe......just remembered what APJ always says to the youth of our country....
"Dream, Dream, Dream. Dreams transform into Thoughts, Thoughs result in action"

All i'd say to him now would be this........
"Sir....I am still dreaming...!!!!"

just wondering what actions will this dream of mine lead to....:D

THANK U GOD...!!!!!

2006-02-11T21:59:00.000+05:30

do we realize how lucky we are...???? the very fact tat u are able to understand and percieve what u are reading now and the fact tat i can write something u can understand is in itself a reason to be thankful....!!!

i had a very humbling experience a couple of days bak.......i was asked to chauffer my sis to one of the leading psychiatry hospitals in the city as she is a doctor. after reachin there, i offered to stay and wait for her to finish her job there. i didnt expect her to take almost 5 hours to come out though....:p

all i could see there in the hospital was hordes of ppl.....of all ages, kids being taken care by their mothers, brothers on wheelchairs pushed my sisters, old ppl looked after by younger ones.... in short ppl who just needed some 1 to take care of them....!!!

i just had to get out of there....fortunately (or unfortunately) i had the presense of mind to get along a book while leaving home.....little did i know tat it'd be a *mother* of all cliche's...!!! the book i took along was called "The Road Less Travelled" by Scott Peck.....i was stuck in a mental hospital and was tryin to read a psychiatry book...!!!!!! i mean....i had the answers to the problems of atleast half the patients there....rite in my hand..!!!! if at all they could read and understand the book.....if at all....!!!

thank God for getting me good friends...coz if it wasnt for 1 such friend....i wouldn't have had the patience to wait for such a long time for my sis to come bak......and thank u nokia and hutch :p
i dont wanna take names here....but if u are reading this....THANK U...!!!!

moving on......while i waited there, i made friends with the security guard on duty......told me some stories abt the hospital and stuff.....very very sad stories they were..dont wanna talk abt them in here.....just hope tat his kid stops acting wierd...!!:( kids can get influenced a lot by seein things arnd them and the environment in which they grow....the security guard i told abt....his kid has stared to act like a mentally challenged kid it seems....tat too after seein the patients in the hospital.....hope he gets another job after he quits this....

ppl experience some starnge kinda kick by breakin laws i guess....moreover if they themselves are supposed to uphold them...:p the security guard offered me a cig rite in front of the "De-Addiction" center.....me bieng a non-smoker...promptly refused...!!! (pun intended)

all the while i was wondering.....what do these patients think??? does their mind work like ours??? do they feel the warmth and the love of the ppl lookin after them??? do they also feel like reciprocating such feelings??? do they look at US in the same views as we look at them??? will they ever get bak a normal life????

i just hope and pray for them.....at least i do so much...!!!

i know i am being selfish here....but THANK U GOD....!!! thank u for making me the way i am rite now...!!!

Dont bother reading this....

2006-02-06T23:48:00.000+05:30

ok....i've warned u...!!! continue at yr own risk....

i just happened to come across this and found it damn interesting.......just wondered what i'd answer to these questions...well here goes...:)

10 Favorites:

Favorite Season: Winter
Favorite Sport: Hockey
Favorite Time: Dusk
Favorite Month: February
Favorite Actor: ShahRukh Khan
Favorite Actress: Angelina Jolie
Favorite Ice Cream: BlackCurrent
Favorite Food: Mom's traditional koLambu with rice and chips...yummy!!!
Favorite Drink: Coffee
Favorite Place: Bengaluru

9 Currents:

Current Feeling: Bored
Current O/S: Win XP
Current Windows Open: Gmail, Win media player, Orkut, Indian Air Force site, This one
Current Drink: Buttermilk
Current Time: 12:01 AM
Current Mobile Used: Nokia 6610
Current Show on TV: Dunno....its switched off
Current Thought(s): should i go to coll tomo or not??? y the hell havent i switched on the room light?? where is my specs??
Current Cloth: Black pyjama and a grey sweat shirt

8 Firsts:

First Nick: Bonda
First Kiss: I dont know who kissed first....I was mobbed by a large no. of sexy girls
First Crush: When i was in the 4th standard
First Computer: IBM 386 with WIN 3.1, it still works!!!
First Vehicle I drove: My MTB cycle
First Job: Not yet…
First Fag: In I pu
First Pet: Did not have one
First Shave: In 10th Std

7 Lasts:

Last Chai (Tea) : In the morning
Last Movie: Rang De Basanti
Last Time I Drove: Today evening....bak from gym
Last Dream: Today afternoon...abt the mob of girls :p
Last Web Site Visited: Orkut
Last Software Installed: Xilinx
Last Pill I Had: Crocin

6 Have You Evers:

Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yup
Have You Ever Been Drunk: Yup
Have You Ever Climbed a Tree: Yup
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Yup.....if the poster of Anglina Jolie counts :p
Have You Ever Been in the of a Gunfire: Yup.....in NCC shooting practise
Have You Ever Broken Anyone’s Heart: Don’t know

5 Things:

Things You Can Hear Right Now: The sound of the CPU, some frogs croaking outside, my dad snoring, my sister's cell ringing
Things on Your Computer Table: A Photo frame with photos of my sis and me, some books, 2 caps, an overflowing pen stand, lots of papers, TV remote
Things on Your Bed: A Scott Peck Book "The Road Less Travelled", cellphone, my specs..!!! bedsheets and a pillow as well :p
Things You Ate Today: Parathas, Biriyani, Maggi, Bananas, Potato Chips
Things in Mind: Thinkin abt my future plans, contemplating what my friend told abt the life in the armed forces, how do i go abt training for the exams

4 Places You Have Been Today:

College......i wonder why??!!!
Petrol Bunk
Hotel
Gym

3 People You Can Tell Anything To:

Badri
Chaddi
Bonda Sr.

2 Choices:

Black or White: Black
Hot or Cold: Cold

1 Thing You Want To Do Before You Die: hmmm.......just wanna be happy in whatever i do....how can any1 expect a proper answer to this question from a guy as cOnFuSeD as i am...??!!!!

OMG....!!! i am 21...!!!!

2006-02-05T15:45:00.001+05:30

i was awakened when my cell started ringing all of a sudden......this was it..!!! i then suddenly realized tat i was 21 now...!!! god knows how many ppl i've teased and reminded them abt their age when they turned 21....it was now my turn at the recieving end.....:(

feels good when ppl do remember u on occations like these even though we feel tat we've wasted 21 yrs of our lives doin nothing...!!!!

after a few hours of sleep.....we left on our 3 hour drive to my dad's native place..... a small village in hassan dist....felt really bad looking at the condition of the road.....how can the authorities responsible do nothing abt such things???? considering half the members in the cabinet rite now are from these very own rural areas....

after the usual hi's and hellos, i dove into the temple wearing full traditional white panche and shalya. there before me...with his wife on his lap....sat our home deity...Sri LakshmiKantha Swami....looking as majestic as ever....fully decorated from top to bottom with fresh flowers ...my god!! an awesome sight to cherish...:)

my 2 uncles who were handling the pooje in the temple were relieved to see me there. they said they'd come bak in sometime and asked me and 1 more cousin of mine to handle it in there....

i straight away went to the task........reciting some slokas which i had learnt in school (even though i knew they were not relavent) and doin the aarthi to the Lord....made me proud....!!! proud to be an Iyengar....

well...."sometime" is very relative.....!!! it was arnd noon when i finally came out of the temple...the camphor smoke had made my eyes sore....i wasnt complaining though....:)

i....being considered a successor.....was made to climb to the top of the Ratha.... was expected to continue the pooje there.....to worship the utsava moorthi....little did i know tat there would be a thunder storm of bananas ...!!!!
those ppl there....the natives( i am using this term coz they were lookin at us as though we were aliens) there derived some strange kind of fun by hurling bananas at the diety..... but what a disaster....they were very very bad at aiming....!!! my uncle, out of the several 100s thrown at us, was lucky enuf to get away with some 3 bananas finding his face and couple more his head....
but i wasnt this lucky...:( when i came bak after the storm subsided....i looked like i had just finished some dredged task in stick goo (remember fear factor episodes???) ....only this time it was bananas.....ripe ones...:)

hmmmm.......the best part abt the village is the food.....!!! my dad...showing his rebellious nature ditched the food at home and we went to another place known for sankethi food...the sankethis are great cooks and even better.....awesomely generous servers....!!! what a tasty delight it was...!!! the 3 servings of kesri bath just slid down my throat so effortlessly....that too after a lot of other things.....wont get into the details though...:)

i guess dads aways find pleasure in scolding their sons....:) my grandpa went straight at it when my dad and me went bak home.....i just stood and saw the fun......:)

what would be the best thing to do after a tiring morning and an awesome meal....???? Sleep ....!!!!:) the cold cemented floor of the temple with just a jamkhana on it, was too inviting......

it was evening when ppl started waking up.....we all...(my relatives and uncles ,dad and me) decided to go to the river kaveri for an evening swim.....i'd say....the best decision of the day...
after almost a 1Km walk in the midst of the paddy fields.....i could see a familiar sight...inviting waters....!!!

the current started to quicken and the sun sarted to go down....it was time we left the place.....the elders said tat it was a dangerous place in the dark....the villagers still do bury the dead near the waters it seems.....well, none of us wanted to question further and we decided to go bak.

after whiling away some more time in the Anjaneya temple (also taken care by my grandpa)
i decided to go bak home.....my grandpa seemd alrite when we(my dad esp) finally had the food at home....ev1 was happy...:)

after helpin with the arrangements to sleep in the temple......we all decided to call it a day....but alas....little did i know abt the many music directors we had in our family...!!! i heard my uncle sighing "aah....what a day it has been!!!"....made me started contemplating abt it...lying on the temple floor, lookin at the stone pillars and roof....buit over 300 years ago....

the final few sounds i heard before sleep came to me was the snoring of my uncles.....
Aaah...what a day it has been....!!!

just another brick in the wall???

2006-02-03T01:09:00.000+05:30

i tried many names......'iamconfused', 'whatthe' F$$k, 'wassupp', 'bullshit' , hell i even tired 'blurp'....!!!!
but...again and again....the same old msg.......

when was the last time u ever created a new mail id.....or a regular user name........??? were u told by the 'supreme' server to use another name coz the one u wanted was already being used by some other jobless person tryin to make his mark in here...in the nothingness of the cyberworld...!!!????

God knows how many more ppl like me.........sitting in a dim lit room, with soreing eyes, at 1:30 in the morning, all alone......tried even more wierder names....jsut to find an identity........to be noticed....in this vast sea...!!!

as the nothingness inside me creeps in......i just like to remind myself......"yes...i am nothing...but just another brick in the wall....."

amen...

PS: i ended up using didntfindanyname.blogspot.com :)

:p

2006-02-03T00:47:00.000+05:30

hmmm.....

its actually hard to digest the fact.....me and blogging???!!!!!

actually to be really honest.....i've been blogging for quite some time now...always treasured my blogs as an entry in a diary.....it was more of a search .....a search for an answer....!!!! there u go...now u even have an explaination for the title of the page...:P

its just the start.....and i am already cOnFuSeD....!!!